Dear Mama...

Hot take: Doula work can be deeply lonely

It is our job to hold space for our clients, their wounds, their fears and their needs. At our postpartum appointments, we go through birth notes, share photos and hear what the experience felt like and meant for them. The vulnerability and trust required for them to enter into that space with us is one of the most humbling and meaningful aspects of the whole job for me. But part of doing that well is not letting the clients know that we are processing their birth, too.

It’s helpful to have community with other doulas, maybe even a counselor on standby (🙋🏻‍♀️) but for me, I have found great peace in voice memos. // On the drive home from births, I set my phone on my dash with my voice memo app running. I get all the raw thoughts and feelings out. I share sweet memories. I cry.

Since it is not the role of the birthing person to hold us as the support person as we download these emotions, these memos have been left alone on my phone until now. But the more I dig into the birth worker role, the more I believe that the way to avoid burnout in these roles is to benefit from space being held for you in the way that you hold it for others.

So here I am, stepping into a little vulnerability of my own - on the internet, of all places - sharing some of my own downloaded thoughts and hoping you might share along with me and that we, as birth workers, might create this space together.

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Starting with a softball, but one that comes up often: “Dear mama, thank you for being willing to trust a stranger to support you.”

The “stranger” element can be a hard sell, which is why the consultation is such an important part of the process. That said, I don’t know that I’ve ever fully been able to express my gratitude to my clients that have been willing to take a leap of faith hiring me, a stranger in their lives, to support them in such a vulnerable time. The reality is, for as much as I have supported you in birth, the true gift is that my clients allow me to do this for my job. Let me repeat: I get to help women birth their babies AS. MY. JOB.

So thank you. You’ve made this stranger very happy.